8 Ways You Have Limited Your ENM Experience

8 Ways You Have Limited Your ENM Experience

Did you know that you can limit your own ENM experience? Do you know what turns you on and what makes you feel safe to fully open up? We all seem to have a running tally of what doesn’t work and what turns us off, but how connected are we to our true needs? 

Do you set the stage and strive for full presence and openness? Or, do you cram sexy time into a small time frame? Like gearing up for the weekend you begin to think ahead to Saturday night. You scroll on your phone to see what’s happening out in the world. You use your thumbs to guide you to your next adventure. 

Here are some extra things to consider as you type your way to connection:

Life is busy.

We all get that but when we carve out only a short few hours here and there in between the stress of everyday life, it’s hard to feel fully satisfied.

Taking the time to learn about what you need at each moment in time is critical. 

We are ever evolving and our needs change more than we realize. Often we try for more, bigger or better when in fact we could instead look at micro moments or simple pleasures. Starting small and fine tuning some of the little things could transform more than we know.

Previous ENM experience or partners. 

We often take all of our past good times and fold them into one memory. This does a few things that inhibits our future satisfaction; we are comparing and measuring two things that can never balance or add up. We secretly have these feelings of “I want it to be just like that again” without realizing our memories may be embellished. If you catch yourself in this trap take pause and truly reflect on the past ENM experience and try your best to really focus on the details that worked for you.

Let’s take a moment and look at the less than ideal. 

We often forget that being awkward and messy is all part of life. Instead of lightheartedly laughing these off and seeing them as natural, we wish them away. There’s a huge opportunity in these moments to welcome people into our humanness. In doing this, we become even more relatable and invite organic connection to occur. Deep down we just want to know that all of who we are is accepted and ok. You don’t have to look far to see how many people will do anything to look good and avoid looking bad. It’s just another wall that keeps us from fully being with one another. 

We all look outside ourselves to ‘get’ things. 

A hard but great question to ask is Do you feel satisfied alone? I mean really satisfied. Our society and mainstream media encourages us to look outside ourselves for everything including validation. This is a trap. If we only seek things outside of ourselves we are diminishing the power we possess within. 

The balance between give and take is a tricky one. 

We can always tell when someone is in deficit and in need rather than showing up fully and generously offering themselves. Don’t beat yourself up too much or judge others for doing this. We all waver in and out of seeing this and being this. 

  • The first step is to pause and look. 
  • The second step is to hold your tender ego safely and be ok seeing it. 
  • The third step is the release and to welcome in a match to your desires.
  • The fourth step is to admit to yourself, and maybe to others, that you have been capping your ENM experience.

PSA: if you’re looking first to see this in others, please also be willing to acknowledge that you are not perfect. 

Inner communication is vital. 

Being able to share where you are at is an inside job. It takes personal honesty to see that we are all flawed humans looking to connect with other humans to create some playful fun. We have all spent far too much time judging and dismissing others for their choices. Imagine a world where we could all simply say ‘more of this please’ and ‘less of that thank you.’ And where each of us could float into experiences that align with our current desires. 

Every chapter of your life you’re writing a screenplay. 

Every day you’re bombarded with requests for playing roles for other people’s screenplays. Without having a clear intention of your own, you will miss the chance to create your own flavor of fun. Not only this, but without fully knowing your own, the world doesn’t get a chance to have it exist. Every season of our life adjusts our needs, wants, desires, and boundaries. 


So please, on behalf of the world, do some digging within and discover what lights you up and turns you on. Consider that there are a myriad of teeny daily habits that you can adjust throughout your day, just for you. This could boost and enhance how you show up for others. This is a sure fire way of getting more of what we want, and for upleveling our level of generosity. 

The world needs more people who are fully alive and sharing their abundance. Showing up fully present and fully open to receive pleasure is rare. It’s a practice that will be easier at times than others for sure. Be gentle with yourself at the times it feels challenging. 

If you take anything away from this article may it be that there is no cap. There is no ceiling on the container that holds our ENM experience. It’s up to you and you alone to discover and create exactly what works for you.

And please, while you’re out there creating,  be kind with those who don’t yet know any of this. We are all simply just walking each other home. Wish people well upon release and continue to welcome in even more alignment as you continue on your own journey.