8 Tips For Attending Your First Sex Party You Must Know!

So you are about to attend your first sex party and you are a bundle of excitement and nerves…¬† This is totally normal and is EXACTLY how you should feel! Let’s dive into 8 commonly asked questions and answers that can set you up for the best night of your life and prepare you for a successful journey in ethical non-monogamy.

What Can I Expect At My First Sex Party

This is a wide open question that has so many variables attached to it that it really depends on everything that came together for the party you are attending.

Generally speaking you are going to meet a group of sexual enthusiasts who are open minded and in attendance for similar reasons you are. A typical person who attends is open to possibilities and has a similar case of butterflies just like you do. They come from all walks of life and every background, gender identification and experience level. They are your neighbors, they are people you see on the screen and they are people in every type of career you can imagine. The diversity is what really makes a party so much fun, you get to meet and interact with such a great mix of people that you never know who you will meet or what you will learn.

Depending on the type of party you attend it can be an organized progression through the night with certain things happening at certain times (like lingerie or less after 10pm) or it can be just a typical house party that clothes seem to be mostly optional at. You will find the type of party that fits best for your wants and desires as they all exist!

A typical night at a sex club could look like the following. You arrive at the party at opening time to find a friendly and attractive host waiting to greet you. After taking care of any administration required for entry (such as a membership and learning the clubs specific rules and regulations) you will either be ushered or escorted in for a tour or shown where to go next. Most clubs have a bar area which is a great spot to meet people and some clubs have rules around areas that you are allowed to go depending on if you are just taking a look or otherwise – be sure to keep these top of mind throughout.

Once you have gotten settled you might do a little dancing or even play a sexy ice breaker type of game with some new friends… and this is where the magic starts to happen… So what can you expect at your first sex party? It really depends on you, the night and who else is there – but be sure the possibilities are almost endless!

Solo Or As A Couple – Is It The Same Experience?

Yes and No… As a solo attendee you do not need to check in with a partner so when it comes to making decisions about your night and direction you want to take it’s up to only your comfort level. Whereas as a couple, or larger relationship dynamic you need to be sure all are on the same page and consent is clearly given by all involved.

Depending on the type of party you attend some might have restrictions for solo attendees (such as single males must be escorted into play areas) so be sure to know the rules that you were told during the party orientation or signup. Connection making has so many variables to it when you add more people to it a connection might be harder to find. But be patient and open – you never know who might walk in the door!

What Should I Wear To A Sex Party

The best answer is what you are comfortable in but some parties are themed so this is something you need to take into consideration. There are LOTS of different themes out there so having a tickle trunk full of fetish, kink and sexy wear will be a thing that you adopt as you attend more events and parties. Some of the “standard” themes you might encounter are:

  • ABC – Anything But Clothes, this is where you creativity really comes in
  • Toga Parties – Pretty standard but some togas are elaborate so make sure to at least use a clean sheet!
  • Decade themed – 80’s, 70s, you name it and these can be super fun if you like to dress up.
  • Latex or Leather – The name says it all, shop early for these ones as it’s sometime hard to find the perfect fit

What If I Run Into Someone I Know

Guess what – you likely will! But guess what, they are at the sex party for the same reason(s) you are so it’s not really a big deal. I personally know people who have run into relatives at parties and they quickly come up with the rules that will work for them to both be in attendance or plan to be at different events. Years ago I ran into the president of my company at a party when I was in the 9-5 world and we quickly made a pact and that year I got a huge bonus lol.

At the end of the day they more you worry about what might happen instead of dealing with what is happening might take you out of the mood of being there so don’t worry about it unless it happens, and then deal with it head on! Keep in mind that one of the hallmarks of the lifestyle, sex clubs, sex parties are whatever type of ENM activity you are participating in is that people are expected to not talk about who or what they see or do.

Just like Fight Club!

Is Drinking / Consuming A Good Idea?

Know your limit, consume within it! Many turn to consumption or drinking to ease nerves or to bring on a little liquid courage when attending a sex party but my experience  is that it actually takes away from experiences if you do. There are many clubs and parties out there that have strict rules around alcohol and drugs so be sure to know them, and to stick to them!

Just like any social event or gathering you need to be conscious of what you are consuming and be aware of placing your drink down and leaving it unattended. This is not to say something untowards will happen but you need to be responsible about your safety at all times regardless of the type of party you are at.

How Do I Make Connections When There?

The best policy is be open, honest and approachable. If you spend your time in a dark corner at a sex party for the majority of the night you will likely meet very little people that night whereas if you are a social butterfly at the bar everyone will know your name by the end of the night.

You are in a unique, open minded atmosphere so take advantage of that to really put yourself out there. Say hello to the hottie walking by, join a conversation with a group or offer to buy someone a drink – you never know what that first step might lead to!

What Am I Allowed to Do?

The golden rule of anything happening at your first sex party is Consent. “Allowed” might be the wrong term when it comes to this, a better way of stating this would be permission or an invitation to participate and/or do a certain thing. Throughout any experience you do find yourself in seeking consent as things progress is sexy as hell and your play partner(s) will love being asked. One of our favourite ways of asking for consent to do something looks like this:

Can I touch you in a way that pleases you…

Can I touch you in a way that pleases me…

In both cases each are followed by a specific ask to do a certain thing – then, if consent is given the magic takes place.

Knowing what the sex party or club rules will also help you navigate what can or can not happen. As an example some rooms allow for people to watch whereas some rooms are meant to be private. Some areas of the club might not allow loud talking (it can kill a mood) as well so know before you go!

Always seek consent and permission and you will be golden and do not be afraid to say yes, or no, when you are being asked to do something!

What About After The Party?

Aftercare is important and can really keep the excitement of the party flowing for days or even weeks. Keeping in mind the hallmark of anonymity and privacy that is expected in an ENM scenario and at a sex party so savour what you have experienced, get to better understand what your boundaries might have evolved to and us the experience to better understand you wants, needs and desires.

Did something you saw for the first time excite you? Did something else make you want to leave a room? Learn from that and better curate your next experience from what you now know about yourself.

Did you meet people at your first sex party and really want to reconnect with them? Be sure to have a plan for this before the night ends, many can and will be found on local lifestyle websites and ENM apps (LOL like ours!)


Going with an open mind and minimal or no expectations will set you up for success at your first sex party. Be prepared by knowing as much about the event as you can before you go, follow the rules of consent always, and really be open minded and open to connections that you might not usually make!