The Ultimate Guide On How To Convince Your Partner To Swing

The Ultimate Guide On How To Convince Your Partner To Swing

One of the top questions we hear time and time again is how to convince your partner to swing. Seeing as we hear and see this so often we put together the ultimate guide on how to convince your partner to swing! Make sure you dive deep into each section of this article and put into practice the tips you will find here, your relationship will be thankful you did!

Needs VS Wants In Swinging And ENM

The very first question you should ask yourself before anything else is what are you looking to get out of swinging? Are you simply looking for a sexual experience or are you seeking a deeper experience? Searching for your own answer as to why you want to try swinging will open up multiple paths to explore the concept internally, and allow you to be better equipped to bring the idea forward to your partner.

We strongly recommend a personal deep dive into what makes you tick before you even think about including others in the equation. Some questions you might ask yourself could look like this:

  • Why do I want to “open up” my relationship?
  • Am I onboard if my partner wants to take it further?
  • What are my limitations and boundaries?
  • Am I willing to be completely honest and keep everything in the open with my partner?
  • Is my desire to do this meant to replace something, repair something or add to our relationship?
  • What if my partner says no?
  • Is our relationship strong and secure enough to include others?
  • What’s in it for me and what’s in it for my partner?

Only after you have looked in does it make sense to begin looking and communicating outwards. You can tell by these 8 preliminary questions (there are so many more that will come up as you dive deep) that it’s NOT just about you and your needs. Swinging and an ENM relationship is not something you just dive into if you want to have success while experiencing it.

Open, Honest, Communication Builds ENM Bridges

The foundation of any relationship and any ENM play or exploration is communication. Without it, you are setting yourself up for failure, misguided expectations, and even worse. 

  • think about it, we all want honesty from others yet we don’t offer that same true transparency in return at all times. Consider the full benefits of leaning into vulnerability and sharing exactly how you think and feel. 
  • when people feel safe, fulfilled, and connected, they are much more generous lovers.
  • Communication is a skill that is built over time and becomes more natural as we use it. Seeking out opportunities to have a “frank” conversation might catch people off guard but will eventually set the stage for later open conversations and make them easier as you develop your skills. 

Being Open Minded

Opening up your relationship can branch off into a million different directions. Be open to discovering what works and what doesn’t. But also be prepared to debrief and course correct as the need arises. Be curious and learn from other people as there are so many examples of how to live and love out there. While you are learning from it all you can build exactly what works for you and your partner. 

Doing Your Homework About An Open Relationship

Read articles and seek out everything you have ever wondered about, get super curious! There’s so much information at our fingertips that will open up a dialogue with your partner as you are ready to share what you have learned. Have the conversations lay the foundation for every action that may, or may not, become reality. Mind reading and assuming you are on the same page as others is a recipe for disaster so be sure to get clarity on feelings and thoughts as you learn and grow.

Knowing your needs/wants and sharing them openly is the strongest way to create what works. No two people are alike, we all bring different experiences and values to the table. Being able to recognize how small our shared journey is actually allows us to better understand those in our relationship. Keep an open mind and be an active listener to better understand where you and your partner are coming from so that you can open up your shared journey together.

an ENM Venn Diagram of Relationships

There’s a world of fantasies that live inside your mind. On the flip side to that, there’s a world of fantasies that live inside your partners’ minds as well. As you begin to speak and share, you’ll discover there are so many more things that light you up and turn you on then you realized. It will be as if floodgates have been opened and when you do open the floodgates, together, magic can happen.

Have a look at the Venn Diagram above which depicts two people and how their wants and needs intersect for their shared journey. The more open you are and the more you share with your partner the larger your shared journey can be. You might notice by now it is not about how to convince your partner to swing, it’s about how to be open and honest in your communication and sharing.

As you and your partner engage in conversations about turn-ons, you will discover just how many little things turn people on and turn people off. A good strategy that works is creating a list of things that are strong desires, moderate desires, and things that are not desirable at all. This list can be a conversation starter or allow you to further explore desires that overlap with your partner as well.

Have A Strong Foundation To Open Up From

An ENM or swinging experience will never end well if you do not have a strong relationship as a foundation. Never (and we do mean never) seek out something that is meant to fill a hole or void in your current relationship. Having clear shared goals for exploring ENM, knowing what framework you are exploring from, and putting your partner’s needs above all else is a recipe for success.

A strong foundation is also a very good thing for the people who you invite in and might interact with. It keeps them feeling secure that drama is not lurking around the corner and that you are in alignment with what most people feel are the values that go with ethical non monogamy.

Strong foundations are sexy. They give a feeling of safety and ensure a low drama, drama-free experience. 

Key ENM & Open Relationship Tips

The following is a small taste of what works and doesn’t work and is not meant to be your only guide. Always look to expand on these tips and what works for you.

  • Learn about consent and always keep it top of mind
  • Never move of play faster than the slowest partner – respect each other and explore together
  • Drugs and Alcohol significantly reduce the experience
  • Explore fantasies and desires together, secrets seldom work
  • Make sure you understand what is and isn’t appropriate when communicating – do you do it together or does one seek out play partners? Have rules of engagement.
  • Seek out mentors and learn from their experiences.
  • Be open-minded, you will see all types of people during your ENM journey and each has something to offer

The One And Only Rule To Convince Your Partner To Swing

Now for the one and only rule on how to convince your partner to swing:


What you should do is create a safe space to share and grow together from and possibly the end result will be the exploration of an ENM lifestyle. Convincing your partner could be coercing your partner and that will generate resentment or worse, at light speed.

Do the self-work first and invite your partner to do it in tandem and then together. Seek out shared desires and fantasies and try them on, if they fit then make a plan to explore them in real-time!

It all starts with an honest conversation at the right time – we are rooting for you!