How To Say No In Swinging

How To Say No In SwingingIt broke me a little this morning as I sat down and thought an article on how to say no in swinging would be a great subject that likely did not have a lot out there written about it.

But I was wrong. The sheer volume of articles that have been written on the subject of saying no in the non-swinging world was more than just a little disappointing. While not swinging specific, to me the fact that so many articles exist on how to say no indicates how to say no in swinging is a very real issue that needs to be talked about. So let’s dive into some ideas around how to say no in swinging and when and where you can employ them.

Why Should We Say No In Swinging?

Why should say no in swinging – because it sets the precedent for respect of boundaries and makes a future “no” a little bit easier by having had the practice. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to say no to something in their swinging journey. So when you freely give a no to a situation or person it helps empower others to do the same which makes everyone’s experience better. Saying no is expected, we all understand it is inevitable.. so don’t be afraid of it!

When We Should Say No In Swinging?

The simplest answer to when we should say no in swinging is whenever something is outside of your comfort zone, uninvited or unwanted. Granted this is a very simplistic way of looking at it but at the core YOU are the one that knows your needs, wants and desires the best and when a situation does not align with them that is when you should say no.

  • Unwanted contact – No. 
  • Unwanted advances – No. 
  • Unwanted circumvention of pre established boundaries – No.

And the list goes on and on so you can see that saying No is not only important, it is necessary. 

When Does No Truly Mean No?

Each and every time it is said. Full Stop. It never means try from a different angle or look for a different way of approaching whatever the no was given for – that is coercion and to be frank is gross. People that do try this way of being are those that we feel do not align with what a swinger is all about.

Sometimes a first no may not be heard which is fine a simple repeat will fix that. But if a no is not respected that is a huge red flag and one that if you are at an organized swingers event needs to be reported so that staff can deal with this major overstep of established swingers rules.

Can A No In Swinging Become A Yes?

It can but the person who gave the no in the first place should be the one that willingly takes it to a yes without any pressure or other means of prompting it. An initial no could have been due to a myriad of reasons and a person giving it has every right to change their minds without question. This does not mean a person should hover or do any other kind of weird way of being waiting for a no to become a yes – if it is meant to be, it will be, otherwise move along.

How Can I Receive A No While Swinging?

Grace and dignity is always best. It is almost never meant as a slight or for any other reason. And to be honest a quick no from someone allows you to continue to seek the right person for you in the situation you find yourself in. Its a little bit of freedom if you think of it this way instead of investing time and energy into something that will not go where you hope it will. Think of it this way, you are at a party with 100’s of sexy new friends – there is plenty of opportunity for you to find alignment instead of discord.

How To Give A No While Swinging

Firmly and with grace is a good approach – Maybe instead of a Fuck No try a No Thank You when someone makes a proposition that you are not keen on. If we are mature and respectful in giving a no then more likely than not that is how it will be received which is what giving and receiving a no in swinging should be all about.

How Can I Support Someone Who Has Said No?

I hate catch phrases but be an ally. Help the person come to a decision, support them with the decision or just simply help them stay true to themselves and their swinging boundaries.

If you are at an event and see someone pushing an agenda that is clearly not welcomed or someone that is ignoring a persons’ boundaries, speak up. Let staff know or if it is safe to step in do so and be supportive.

Is No In Swinging Part Of Consent?

100% it is. Only a clear, conscience and enthusiastic Yes means Yes. A No is always a full stop No. Consent is a main pillar of swinging and must always be respected and sought out. It should never be assumed that a past yes still is a yes at a later date as well. If you want to know more about consent in swinging click here.

What About Boundaries, Where Does No Come In?

This is an internal contemplative state that each of us needs to set out for ourselves. We all have boundaries, some hard and some a little grey that can be pushed depending on the situation. 

If it feels right and you thought it was a boundary maybe you have evolved past it and have a new boundary in place. Do not feel that you need to know everything all at once, let yourself feel when a no is right for you and then give that no freely so everyone can feel secure that a good time is being had by all.


Practice saying no and know that people want to hear it so that they can align themselves to your needs and desires. Experienced swingers, and new ones alike know that a no will happen in their swinging journey so give them freely so that we can all get in the practice saying and receiving them!